Sanctification

In my last post, I spoke about the Lord preparing me for something big in my life. I am not sure what exactly that may be but I know I am being sanctified right now. He is constantly revealing the sins of my heart and how they keep me from fellowship with Him. At times, I do not want to accept the discipline. I think that it is too hard to let go of my pride and submit to His sharpening. I can remember a time when I thought the Christian life got easier as we grew. Boy was I wrong! God allows trials and suffering in our lives to build our character Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4
He allows these times for our good, not to be mean to us. Only the enemy wants to discourage us during these trials. 26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:26-28
This past Sunday morning I was really bothered by something. It continued to plague my mind throughout church and the afternoon. It was something I felt that I was supposed to be in control of therefore I was worried about it. I felt I needed to be doing something about it. The Lord helped me see that His plan is sovereign and I cannot control this. I finally felt a sense of peace.
27 "I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me? Jeremiah 32:27

10 Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,"
says the LORD, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

I was encouraged by Larry Crabb's book Inside Out, which deals with the fact that our sins keep us from real change. Until we deal with the truth about our lives, we cannot move onto changing. In the chapter entitled "The Problem of Damandingness," he says to trust God is to demand nothing. He relates this demandingness to Job's condition. He then exposes Job's ugliness to him.
3 You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?'
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.

4 "You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.'

5 My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.

6 Therefore I despise myself
and repent in dust and ashes."
Job 42:3-6



I realized I had been demanding of God in certain areas of my life and I had to repent right away! If I am constantly demanding things from Him, I will be miserable. I have to trust Him fully to accomplish His will in my life.

Just wanted to share what was on my heart.

Fall down like rain

It has been WAY too long since my last post and I am not sure that anyone checks this anymore but I have some things on my heart that I want to say.

I feel that the Lord has been preparing me for something really big since July of 2007 when I came back Quba. I learned a lot about people who have so few possessions yet have a huge desire for the Lord. They were in such need physically and when they were introduced to the Lord, they accepted Him so willingly. It was was amazing to see their passion for the Lord and it made me analyze my focus on "things" that take the place of God in my life.

Throughout all of last year as I experienced the life of a teacher, I was faced with many challenges. It felt like drudgery to get up incredibly early everyday and face the monsters waiting for me to teach them something important. I was tired most days and emotionally drained. I had no desire to love these hateful children. They had nothing nice to say nor did they have any real commitment to school work. Their lives outside of school were full of problems and therefore they were a product of their environment. Their parents sent them to my class to babysit them as well as discipline them, parent them, teach them social skills, educate them, give them advice and pretty much teach them anything that they had not learned at home. I did not take well to accepting my task at hand. I was so angry all the time and struggled to see anything positive about what I was doing at this school. I certainly had yelled at them and said things out of emotion. I definitely had hatred in my heart for the bad kids. I could have cared less about the gangsters. I had no compassion for the girls that gave me a nasty response when I told them to stay on task and stop talking. I tried to get the counselors to transfer these kids out of my class. They did at times but that was not always the solution to the problem.

I kept asking the Lord for another job or at least another grade level to switch to. I figured I could survive the school year and transfer somewhere else where the kids actually liked me. I mean, they did not care about what I was teaching so why should I care about them? Well the Lord was continuing to work on my prideful heart everyday. In the spring I did the Breaking Free Bible study by Beth Moore and saw the many strongholds in my life. I also learned how Satan had gotten a foothold in my heart. I was against the students and they were against me because I wanted to control them. I also had pride because if they treated me with disrespect I had no desire to give them much mercy. Once they were wrong, they were wrong always. I had to learn how to pray for the hard students in order to let the Lord soften my heart. At times, I did repair the relationship with the difficult student but mostly I tried to find them doing something wrong.

During the spring semester, I was also struggling with singleness. Several friends had gotten engaged in December and several more in the spring. It seemed that the singles department at church had a whirlwind of dating couples, engaged couples and newly married couples. My younger sister had also gotten engaged. This was crushing my spirit. I kept comparing myself to others and felt I was ready for a relationship but it was not happening. When you start comparing yourself to other believers you begin to covet what they have. I had other girlfriends who were single and it seemed to be the topic of conversation. Who likes who and who we could date and who will we marry. Why are we still single? Are we all that bad? That just further deepened the longing.

The Lord kept speaking to my heart and blessed me abundantly. He kept giving me amazing opportunities to share my faith with others and to serve Him. I formed a bond with a few students at school that felt they could trust me. I also was able to be there for some new friends in my life and encourage them. I was blessed with a summer job to pay off my taxes. I was able to be involved in the contemporary choir ministry where I met one of my closest friends. I had also grown closer to another friend of mine. God then gave then gave me rest in July 2008 since I had the summer off from teaching. It was nice to not work for a month and a half! I enjoyed spending lots of time with my friends and serving the community with my church. I got to see my parents in Lake Charles and spend much needed quality time with them.
My life was full and I was trying to walk closer with the Lord each day. He kept softening my heart towards Him. I was learning how to pray more fervently and serve wholeheartedly. I accepted that He had created me as a listener and an advice giver therefore that was how I was to serve Him.

But Lord, I want to be a wife and mother! I want to practice loving someone like You love the Church. I want someone to pursue me and challenge me in my faith. I desire to glorify You through being in a relationship Lord! I am excited about it and I will accept the task at hand! I have served my time as a single. I love all the things I get to do but I would prefer to be in relationship. This desire gets stronger everyday!

A new friend of mine showed me this verse:
For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.
Psalm 84:11
And I also found this to be encouraging:

Yet, O LORD, you are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand.
Isaiah 64:8

Lord, I trust You with my life. You created me with Your hands! How could I question You? You will bestow honor on those whose walk is blameless. You will not withhold good from me. I have no need to worry about being married because you have called me to be anxious for nothing (Phil. 4:6,7).

I heard this amazing song at choir practice on Wednesday and linked the entire song to the title of my entry (just click on it). It is called Open Up the Sky by Jonathan Stockstill who sings at Bethany Prayer Center in Baton Rouge. Here are the lyrics:

verse 1
Our beloved Father please come down and meet us
We are waiting on Your touch
Open up the heavens, shower down Your presence
We respond to Your great love

pre-chorus
We won't be satisfied with anything ordinary
We won't be satisfied at all

chorus
Open up the sky, fall down like rain
We don't want blessings, we want You
Open up the sky, fall down like fire,
We don't want anything but You

verse 2
Our beloved Jesus we just want to see You
in the glory of Your light
Earthly things don't matter
They just fade and shatter
When we're touched by love divine

chorus
Open up the sky, fall down like rain
We don't want blessings, we want You
Open up the sky, fall down like fire,
We don't want anything but You

Bridge
Here we go lets go to the throne

This is the song of my heart...

My little brother

I saw my brother in the kitchen wearing this funny shirt and I asked him if I could take his picture. He obliged and then his real personality came out with this crazy face!

I love his personality...maybe because we are so simliar: Reserved, laid back (he is way laid back), introverted, self-conscious.
Things I love about him: Extremely generous, hard working, efficient, natural comedian, great chef, kind hearted and very smart.
Growing up, we were buddies. He was always so compliant when I wanted to dress him up. When we got to high school, I was a senior and he was a freshman so he hung out with mutual friends at Starbucks almost every weekend. We also lived far out in Fairfield so we had lots of time to bond in the car rides. As young adults, our relationship has grown through various one on one conversations about life. He is such a fine, young gentleman that I pray for all the time!

The neverending question

I just wrote two posts but I am making up for lost time so here is a link to a great blog post by John Piper.

iChat

I have had this amazing computer for 7 months now and I just found out how to use some of it's greatest features. That is partly because I did not pursue anyone enough to give me a tutorial but anyway, my friend Stan, who only has Apple computers and the iPhone, gladly showed me that we can video chat.
The way you do this is if the other person has a Mac and has a webcam (most Macs come with it built in) then you send them a video request to chat. When they accept, you see them in a larger video and you are a small video inset. We talk straight through the computer! I can even change my background to make it look like I am at the beach or in an aquarium. Right now I only have like 3 friends who can iChat but hopefully when we get all the PC users to switch over to a Mac I can chat with everyone!
I love communication so much. I love texting, phone calls, emailing, Facebooking, Myspace, Gchat, blogging, and now, iChatting. I unfortunately cannot get an iPhone since I have T-Mobile but as soon as I can, I will get one!

Here are reasons Why You'll Love a Mac.

Lazy dayz

These past couple of days have been spent in Lake Charles, LA with my family. It has been nice to be in a quiet home in a neighborhood as opposed to a tiny apartment next to a busy street. I also have enjoyed the family dinners. My mom and I have made dinner together at night and it gives me good practice in the kitchen. My dad and brother get home from work to have dinner with us. Then we get to catch up. It has been even more fun to have deep conversations with my mom during our quality time.

Today I spent time at the scrapbook store where she works working on a few cards. The store has every tool imaginable ! Just like technology has advanced so much in computers, it has also in scrapbooking. I also got a haircut today for $15. There is this great salon owned by 5 girls that give great cuts and color. I wanted to add more brown but decided to wait on it. I feel like changing up my look somehow but I just do not know what to do yet...

Anyway, I was thinking about the time I have had off this summer to enjoy and I am just so thankful to the Lord for it. He knew I needed rest and relaxation. He also knew that I needed a job that would not last for the entire summer so He provided that. He has blessed me with some great fellowship as well. I have gotten to know several people from church on a deeper level. We have gotten to eat together, laugh together and just hang out.
Here are some pics I have taken on my Macbook. Just having fun with the Mac camera.

Dinner with friends

Well the enrichment summer school program ended on Friday and boy was it a tiring month! I learned a ton about challenging my students in a new way and how to manage my classroom more effectively. The kids in this program are so incredibly gifted so it was completely refreshing to be around them.

I celebrated the end of school with some great fellowship over the weekend. Saturday night my friend and I entertained 7 other folks with an exceptional dinner. When I cook for people, I stress myself out. I can't just cook the run of the mill chicken and vegetables or spaghetti. I have to cook the BEST thing I can find! So I woke up stressed when I had to think about the menu. I searched the internet for hours and then decided on salmon. Well that did not work because not everyone loves salmon like I do. I finally made it to good 'ole HEB and called my mom for help. I walked around the meat department and instantly felt frustrated. People were every where and they were in my way. My mom gave me a great recipe and I calmed down. I perused the aisles and the Chef greeted me warmly. He asked me if I wanted to try some samples of his food. I confessed to him that I was stressed out and needed an easy, yet superb main entree. I decided to try something other than what my mom recommended so the chef walked me back to his cooking station and gave me a sample of the amazing food. Once I tried it, I was sold. He was super helpful and it made it sound so simple. Thanks Chef!
Here is the recipe:

Appetizer: Cream cheese with cherry chutney and crackers
Salad: Handful of spring mix, slices of mozzarella cheese and cherry tomatoes. The dressing was a basil vinaigrette:
1/3 cup of oil
2 TBSP white wine vinegar
1 tsp Dijon mustard
2 crushed garlic cloves
3 TBSP of chopped basil fresh or dried (I used the dried basil you can buy in the herb section of the store).
Salt and pepper

Blend all the ingredients in a food processor and serve on the salad. It is delicious!

Entree: Pork tenderloin and crash hot potatoes
The chef told me to place the tenderloin in foil and rub it down with Adam's Reserve Hickory Char Crust and roasted garlic (found bottled in the produce section). I then placed it in the oven at 400 degrees for 30 minutes. When it was sliced, I poured Canyon Foods Sweet Chili Lime Sauce on it and this was exactly what it needed! It was enough sweetness balanced with a little spice. The pork was cooked to a medium and was so tender. Everyone enjoyed the food and I have to say, I was impressed that I was able to pull it off. I usually mess up recipes but the Lord allowed me to do it well.

We then ended the meal with brownies made from scratch (my mom's secret recipe) and Janet's amazing oatmeal cookies.
After we had eaten, some folks left and we got down to the deep questions of the night...my favorite part. Unfortunately, I only lasted for a while and fell asleep! I was so tired I guess. Not really a good hostess now am I? Overall, a wonderful evening and Lori was so sweet to open her home and let me take over her kitchen.

Sunday afternoon rolled around and since Saturday was such a success we wanted to do it again! So we did! Lori and I made it to HEB again and picked up some filets to grill. This time I tried out a recipe from my brother for his amazing mushrooms. We began again with the cream cheese but this time Lori got a raspberry chipotle sauce and a blueberry chipotle sauce to put on top. Wow they were so great! Here is menu:

Jalapeno bacon wrapped filets
Gorgonzola mushrooms
Sauteed spinach
Crescent rolls (okay so we bought the already prepared ones and popped them in the oven)
Blueberry dump cake with vanilla ice cream

Absolutely scrumptious!

Considering my lemon bar fiasco as a child (I can tell you about this in person if you like), I have come a long way in the cooking realm. And the fact that I am a Family and Consumer Sciences teacher is also quite ironic. Anyway, I realized that I get a certain sense of joy in cooking for people and planning a get together. I love getting ready for the evening and getting to have great fellowship with friends. I also enjoy serving them while we are all hanging out.

I want to delve deep

I have been fully aware since middle school that I am a deep thinker. God blessed me with a mom who is one as well. I went through middle school, high school, college and now adulthood sharing with my mama about the deep desires of my heart. 1. Why does this guy not like me? 2. Why do my friends abandon me when they get a boyfriend? 3. Why do my friends not take my advice? 4. Why do I do most of the listening? 5. Why do my friends not return the same listening and advising that I offer them? 6. Where is he mom? 7. Why is it so hard for me to be a godly example? 8. Why am I so angry? 9. How do Christian marriages stay together? 10. Why did God allow this? I could go on an on about the never ending questions in my mind. Yes, I am prone to analyzing and questioning. It is probably part of my Melancholy personality. I am constantly seeking and
searching to understand God and His purpose for me.

I also desire to study the Word more deeply as I grow in my walk with Him. I am striving to be done with the days where quiet times were maybe once a week, when I skipped Bible study because I was too tired, when just reading Christian Living books was enough, when fellowship with friends was all about me, etc. This has allowed me to love the community of believers I am involved in! It is so encouraging, uplifting and fulfilling. I desire to grow close to the Lord through Bible study, ministry, accountability and social time. This church and the amazing people I have met has brought me closer to the Lord.

I say all this because I am utterly surprised when others do not embrace delving deep into the Word and the life of a believer. Why do they continue to stay on the surface? Why do they keep all their struggles to themselves? Why do we have to keep it "light?" Why do I feel awkward trying to direct the conversation into more meaningful waters with them? Why are they afraid to admit they are broken and need to be fixed?

I ask all these questions not to judge but to ponder and work through. I realized a lot over these last couple of years how many Christians who have grown up in the church stagnate well into adulthood. Not just for a couple of years but several years. We just continue living life without really living. What is the reason and/or the solution? I would greatly appreciate anyone's thoughts...

Summer is here

I started teaching summer school today and I am worn out! I surprisingly got hired to teach electives to Gifted and Talented kids or GT as we call them in education. This program was started by a man who felt GT kids needed enrichment over the summer. Each student or "scholar" as they are called, takes 5 classes a day. Their first class is Manners to Morals. They learn anything from handshakes to making the right choices in life. Then they take Perspectives in 2nd period. This class teaches them perspectives on faith. The other 3 classes are their choice. I teach 1 sewing class and 1 cooking class, which is what I teach during the year so it works out that I actually know what I am doing for once!

The program begins at 8:30 and ends at 3:40. We teach them all kinds of fun songs at the opening and closing assembly that include lots of movement. They absolutely love it! These songs are now stuck in my head and I am positive they will not leave even after the program is over. I have to say these are some of the most amazing kids I have ever met. They are respectful, kind, conversational, pleasant, intelligent, poised, articulate and cute. We taught them procedures all day and they got it! No constantly drilling it in their heads. No yelling "Don't do that!" No continuous discipline. No real worries at all. It is quite refreshing to be around these kids after the tough year I had. The Lord knew I was going to be really tired and unmotivated to work this summer so He provided this job for me. Gosh I am so blessed by it. I so do not deserve it but I am very gracious.
I ended the day with an ab class and Pilates at 24 Hour Fitness. The girl worked us very hard so I do not believe I will be walking smoothly tomorrow! Thank you Lord for this great day!

Local Flavor

This past week I have dined out 7 times! Wow that is a record for me. I typically refrain from eating out that much because for one, it is expensive and two, the calories! But eating out to me is a hobby. I enjoy trying out different places in Houston and living like the local that I am. So here is a rundown of the places I HIGHLY recommend:

1. The Chocolate Bar If you physiologically need chocolate like I do, go here...once a week.
2. Escalantes My fave items are the table side guacamole and Pat's Mexico City Salad. They also have a yummy queso so be sure to order it with those bottomless chips. They have locations in Town and Country, Woodway and Voss as well as Highland Village.
3. Singha Thai Restaurant I have never tried Thai food so my sweet friend Jen took me there to partake in Tom Ka Gai soup which is a mix of sliced chicken, coconut milk, galanga, chili and lime. Just don't eat the chili like I did! They don't have milk to take away the bite but they do have cream. This little place has great prices and is located at Westheimer and Bering. Also, beware of the short Hispanic waiter because he will tell you what you are eating is fattening if he does not approve of it.
4.Pho Tan Loc There are many types of pho but I would suggest a combination bowl with chicken. Emily and I ventured onto Bellaire and found this place but If you are adventurous, drive down this long road and check out the restaurants. Bodard is another fave of mine.
5. Kona Grill Has a mix of international dishes but we tried the sushi. Eat the Dragon Roll but start with the Avocado Egg Rolls. Trust me. You cannot go wrong with those! Check out this place in the Galleria.
6. This fabulous Ethiopian restaurant Blue Nile was introduced to me by Emily today as we ate lunch there. It is the only restaurant of it's kind in Houston. We shared a plate of spicy lamb and many wonderful vegetables eaten with teff. We ended the meal with their coffee ceremony and popcorn. You MUST visit this hidden treasure! Just try not to be put off by the location. Kinda shady.

Branch out and get to know this city through it's food. You will be surprised at the gems you can find!

End of the school year

I could not have made it through this year without my wonderful co-workers: Sheila, Adam, Marion (not pictured) and Emily. We all clicked from day one. Adam was new this year and became the 2nd speech and theater teacher. Sheila was in her 5th year at the school and teaches art. Marion, her first year at the school as the ESL helping teacher with 20 years of education experience. Emily, my better half who was going into her 2nd full time year at the school as a Family and Consumer Sciences Teacher.
Let me describe the reasons I love them:
1. Adam-Extrovert, exagerated story teller, who provided much comic relief during our 4 minute breaks from one period to another. He was full of crazy student stories and had great one-liners. He also became our polgyamous husband (me, sheila and emily were his wives). Yep. I said it. It all began at the beginning of the semester when our students thought there was something going between us. "Miss H, I know you like Mr. D. Ooohh is he your boyfriend?" "Miss K, I saw you flirting with Mr. D in the hallway!" They continued to question our association with Adam because from what they could see and understand in their young adolescent minds, either you like him or you don't. There is no friends with the opposite sex. I would try to explain away why but it was no use. I just gave into it! We called little "family" meetings in the hallway and many times Adam would come into our rooms unannounced during class time and make a funny comment about "us" in front of the students. They loved it!
2. Sheila-wife #1 is straightfoward, real, witty and hilarious. She kept me laughing as we did our weekly study hall shift together. She lovingly accepted the Life Skills kids into her art class everyday and said the most funny things to them. We now get to work this summer school job together...thanks to her I actually got the job!
3. Marion-"mom." Her husband a pastors a church in the Jersey Village area and has the most wonderful, sweet, warm, kind personality. She is always upbeat and positive and I never saw her with a down day. She was the mom in our elective wing as she bailed me out of my classroom many times when I got too upset to continue teaching. She was full of godly wisdom and stories about how she met her husband. She encouraged us with her words and shared her hope for Miss K and I that we could meet that special guy someday. She was such a joy to be around!
4. Emily-wife #2. Outgoing, intelligent, unique, disciplined, committed, creative, innovative and helpful. She was the one who led me to this school because she knew there would be an opening. We spent the first semester learning how to work together and communicate. She taught me how to plan lessons, how to teach my kids, how not to take things personal and not to lose my cool with the students. She also shared what the Lord was teaching her and that encouraged me always. She is a healthy fit person so that in turn helped me to become a lot more focused in that area of my life. She loves to cook and shared her methods with me and that inspired me to get busy in my own kitchen. She is incredibly thoughtful and gives great gifts! I will be so sad not to teach with her next year!

Discerning Reader

Recently I found out about this website and I have come to rely on it. As Christians, we cannot accept just every book that is sold in Christian bookstores. We must use discernment in choosing books to read because we could be led astray by faulty theology. The authors on this site are very honest and will give you the truth. I would suggest checking out The Purpose Driven Life review. They do give positive reviews of other books so start searching!!

It's over

Yay! Today was the last day we had the kids and boy it could not end quick enough! We had a ton of procedures to follow since historically, kids do crazy stunts on the last day. Nothing happened that I know of. The teachers and staff celebrated by squeaking noise makers as the kids rode off on the buses and waved at us. They also played a"Good Bye" through the PA. It was such a sight! I am sooo tired I wish I could sleep for days. Too bad I have a "professional day" tomorrow and then it is onto summer school. I will wrote more of my thoughts later. It's off to bed!

It's all about us

Yesterday my kids were talking about teachers at the school having a Myspace and how some of them accepted friend requests from students. One of my opinionated girls commented,
"Adults should not have a Myspace. It is only for teenagers and should only be for us. I don't know why y'all be having a Myspace."
To which I said, "Um Myspace is huge and anyone can get on it. Besides, it was created before you all were ever on it!"

I decided to keep the rest of my opinions to myself. These self-absorbed teens would not understand in their adolescence that the world does not revolve around them and that there is life outside of friends, entertainment and crushes.
As I told this story to my mom she laughed aloud and told me that is exactly the type of statement I made to them when I was a self-centered jr. higher.
"Did you imagine yourself being in the opposite role as an adult having teens not appreciate anything you do or say?"
"Nope. I never thought I would be in this position. It seems that no matter what, most of them could care less about what I say and they criticize everything I do! I am never right with them."
She gave some encouraging words but wow do these kids make me feel old! I find myself saying so many typical adult statements like:
"Because I said so."
"No you cannot do that.
"STOP making those noises!"
"Stop talking...for the rest of the day."
"Why aren't you listening?"
"Were you not paying attention?"
"You must have not been listening."
"I am only going to tell you once."
"Just trust me."
"You are only in middle school."
"You are just a teenager."
"It is not all about you."
"Your attitude will not be tolerated."
"With that attitude, there are consequences."

I say all these things but often times with more emotion behind them.
Even though I feel beat down a lot by them, the Lord encourages me with those few kids who really like to share their lives with me and treat me with kindness and respect. He never promised us that we always be treated in the way that we should but I find myself expecting it rather than being surprised by it. Maybe that is why He has me teaching jr. high.

Another story about my fave sudent

Let's just call him "Aidan" since that is one of my preferred names for a future son...if I have one.

On Friday my kids took their Exploring Foods and Fabrics final exam. As the kids were quietly testing, I walked around the room to monitor. Aidan had finished early but he looked really down and a little worried.

"Are you okay?" I asked.
"No I am worried about the high school courses I have to sign up for next year. We are choosing our classes over the next few days and honestly, I have no clue what I want to do with my life! I mean there are 3 things I could possibly do: be a band director, work in politics, or do something with math since I am good at it. They want us to choose courses that will be on the path of our future career."
"Well the good thing is that you do not have to know right now what to do with your life. Those 3 career paths seem like a great fit for you and you will have many options in high school to figure out what you want to do. Relax! You can decide on all that later!"

He loosened up and began talking about this new girlfriend he currently had. It turns out he had a crush on her since 2nd grade (6 years) and they had been good friends for the last 2 years. She finally returned the feelings. They officially had been together for only a couple of months. When he first told me about her, he called her "the girl of my dreams." Wow. To be in 8th grade and already you have the girl of your dreams. I only fear what comes later in life.
Anyway, Aidan went onto tell me that she really is now allowed to have a boyfriend to which I immediately encouraged him to respect her parent's rules and just be friends with her. He is a good kid and I believe he could be a believer so of course I could not approve of the relationship being behind her parent's back. He said I was right (I usually am).
Fast forward to today. Aidan came to class late. As I greeted him at the door, he came in and apologized. Then he proceeded to sit at his table and lay his head down. This is very uncharacteristic for him as he is almost always lively and smiling. I called up the students one by one to get their exam grade and when Aidan came up, he again looked worried. I questioned him about what was wrong.

"I am just stressed out. I am still trying to figure out what to do with me life but I have no clue. I am also worried since I don't always study all the time for math and I am afraid I will carry those habits into high school. Also, the girl of my dreams broke up with me today. She told me already that she was going to be single in high school to focus on her studies so she was planning to break up with me by the end of the school year. I just did not expect her to break up with me today. I am really sad about it. I just don't understand why it can't work out. I feel like I have these great plans but they just don't go as planned."

"Well Aidan, I am really sorry about the girl breaking up with you. I know that sucks. I totally understand where you are coming from. I do know that there is someone bigger than us that has the best plans for our lives. Even though we think we know what is good for us He knows what is best. You are only in 8th grade so don't stress about your future. You have plenty of time to decide what to do. Also, you never know how life could change for you and the girl. She might change her mind in high school about wanting to be single. Just go into the summer and have a fun time without thinking too hard."

I just feel for this kid. He is going through normal adolescent issues and trying to figure out how to deal with them. I am thankful though that he opens up about his life and it gives me an opportunity to share about THE TRUE ONE who directs our steps and gives a hope for living. Praise the Lord these talks!

Therapy

This past 3 weeks of school I have had my kiddoes sewing aprons. This is their first big project since their beginner class last semester. I knew this project would be a little bit harder to teach since I have NEVER sewn an apron before! But I have enjoyed watching them piece together each part as it slowly came together.

Last week I was sitting down at the table with 3 boys in my 8th period class (my fave period) as I taught them how to hand sew their pocket. One boy had moved on ahead and stitched his pocket wrong to which I pointed out. He seemed a little downcast so I asked what was up.
"It has just been a horrible, horrible day. It's just been bad."
"Well why do you say that S ?"
"My older brother just gets on my nerves because he is always bossing me around. He thinks he knows everything and he can tell me what to do."

The counselor in me started to sympathize with him and give him some advice. Right after S opened up, my fave male student, the brightest, most kind, most mature 8th grader you will ever know, pipes up:

"Yeah, let's have a little therapy session here in our sewing circle! Let's talk about our feelings! This is great Miss Humphrey!"
I laughed aloud and made a mental note to write a blog about his comment. I could not get over it! Where did that come from? None of the other students I have can possibly compare to how profound he is. Everyday he greets me with a smile and calls me Miss Humphrey rather than the impersonal "Miss." When he is in class he talks about funny things, not immature graphic topics. He encourages me to be more professional when I don't respond properly to unruly students. He makes the classroom light hearted when things get serious. He also never cusses or talks about girls in a negative way. In fact, he shared a little fact about himself when he was first in my class. This was his statement:

"You know when I was in 5th and 6th grade I never talked to girls. I was always with the my guy friends. I did not really know how to talk to them. They were never my friends. But last year in 7th grade was the first time girls became my friend. It's really cool how now I talk to girls all the time. I actually know what to say!"

Then one day about a month later as he walked into my classroom, I was standing by my door (we have to greet our students at the door for every class) making conversation with students they walked in. I said to him, "M you were kind of quiet yesterday.
"Really? Well today I am really excited!"
"Why, do you have a new girlfriend?"
"Yeah! She is the girl of my dreams!"

I refrained from saying, oh but she will probably break your heart! You are too young for real love. Just wait till you are older and more serious. Then you can be in a real relationship. Right now, just focus on having friends, staying out of trouble and doing your school work.
All I could do was smile and be happy for him. I knew that the parent in me probably should not burst his bubble.
How could you not love this kid??

The Church of Oprah Exposed

For many years I have watched the Oprah show at 4pm. Not every day, but maybe once a week when I got a chance. I came to really like most of the topics she presented on her show. Everytime I talked about her to my mom, she would always say she did not agree with her beliefs and therefore would not watch her. I of course continued because I thought she was no so bad. Well after just watching this You Tube video I have changed my mind about her. I am so sad that she actually believes these things!

Breathing is good

Two weeks ago today, God answered a prayer BOLDLY for me. I had been praying about this request for nearly 7 months...not as long as some requests but it was still something I anxiously anticipated an answer to. I dreamt idealistically and hopefully throughout the changing seasons. I would ponder this request at random times during the day, as well as at night in my dreams. I kept waiting and wondering and asking and worrying at times. I would surrender it to the altar but only to selfishly take it back. I finally placed it there a few days before I received the answer. When God vividly answered me, it was not the answer I had hoped for. Sigh.I felt disappointed and shocked...but only for a brief while.

The sermon at church that night was about God preparing us for something that we are unaware of at the current moment. He many times takes things away and moves things in our lives and closes doors on things that we have set our hearts on. He does all this to prepare us for a specific purpose. This was exactly what the Lord wanted me to hear! I knew it so clearly why He had said no to my request on the very same day He answered me! I spent the rest of the night praying and journaling and thanking the Lord for His answer. I breathed a sigh of relief instead of a spirit of bitterness. He gave me such a relaxed mind that week. I felt I had finally let go of this issue and He was all I needed. He was trying to teach me this all along but I was struggling with Him about it. I was not wanting to accept it.

I have to say this is the best place to be. Right at His feet in worship and obedience. Not in a place of worry or anxiety or anger or unbelief. Those are all sins according to Him. Why would I want to be there? It does not bring any joy or satisfaction. I am so encouraged by His Word and the blessings He has given me since I surrendered myself to Him.

One of my favorite speakers taught a sermon on Abraham sacrificing Isaac several months ago and he asked us, "What is your Isaac? What is it you are holding onto that you are not giving to God? Are you afraid if you give it to Him, He will not give you the desire of your heart? Maybe all He wants you to do is surrender it to Him so He can give to you Himself." Gosh how that spoke to me! That message prepared me for how He answered my prayers. Again, I am so thankful that He answered me and that I can be at peace with it. What an amazing God we serve who fiercly loves us and is so committed to us!
Praise Him!

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

There is something there

So it has been over 3 months since my last post and I have so been wanting to post. I mean I had thoughts milling around in my brain but I just did not possess the energy to type them out. It takes a lot for me to write my blogs at times...mostly because I want them to be perfect. I don't want them to be about nonsense or superficial topics. I want them to mean something. When I read the blogs of others, I mostly enjoy when they share about what God is doing in their lives or when they share personal things that lets me know who they are. I feel that mine must be the same.

To give you an update, in the last three months I feel that I have grown a lot in my teaching abilities. I feel more at ease with my kids and not so quick to scold them or discipline. I also have really gotten to build some strong relationships with some of my girls. They have come to me with their boy stories and cried about them. I have allowed for "therapy" sessions in some of my classes rather than going over the lesson for the day. I am true believer in the value of relationships so if they want to talk, I want to listen! I know the Lord has placed me there to be a light to them and I want to be one! I love them so dearly and it breaks my heart when they are hurting.

We just ended the food unit last week and yesterday I began the sewing unit with all my classes. I was really looking forward to it because I am not much of a sewer but would like to become one. I also wanted to teach them new things! To being the unit, I started my 8th period class with a lesson on clothing. I posed the question,"Do you think that your clothes define you?" So many of them said yes they do. We continued to discuss labels and designer brands and why they are important to them. My most outspoken group consists of 2 girls and a boy, all 7th graders. All three of them do not shop at Wal-Mart and basically said they would be considered "uncool" by their classmates if they wore cheaper brand clothing. They also think that your clothes must match and be of mostly the same brand.

On of my favorite students in that class spoke up and said it was not about what you wear, rather it is who you are on the inside that counts. I was so excited about this statement and I repeated it to the class. This boy has come a long way in his maturity and social confidence since school started in August. He rarely spoke and when he did, he stuttered a lot and usually did not make sense. He was what other students might refer to as "nerdy." His parents are not from the states and they actually care about his grades and behavior. This semester he has almost blossomed in a way. He talks more to his table mates, he joins in class discussions, he greets me properly as he comes to class, he always smiles, he talks openly about how life, and he also sings Linkin Park for the class when we want to be entertained.

The other student in the class, Matthew, whom I also love, is an extremely intelligent, well-versed, well-spoken 8th grader. He shares such profound thoughts in our class discussions. His opinions are so opposite of the majority of students in our school. His attitude proves to me he has been raised very well and I am always anticipating his next statement. Anyway, as we discussed clothing, I posed another question,"If your parents only had a small amount of money to spend on your school clothes and said you could only get clothes from Wal-Mart and Payless, would you take the clothes from there or would you choose to refrain from getting clothes?" The outspoken group said No way! We don't them clothes! But Matthew said,"My style of clothing is the original Matthew (his last name) style. Just jeans, a t-shirt and then a button down shirt thrown over that. My mom regularly shops at Wal-Mart for us and also takes us to thrift stores to buy clothes. When she buys clothes for me, I am just so thankful to have them that I could not imagine complaining about where they came from." I just about cried after he said that! Wow! What an amazingly grateful kid. He is just so real and so mature.

I remember being in junior high and complaining about which label of clothes I did not have. I was constantly mad at my parents because they would not buy me expensive clothes. I just wanted to fit in with all the other kids. Why could I not wear short shorts? Why could I not have a nice pair of jeans? Why could y'all not buy Filas for me? Why couldn't I have a pair of Girbauds? It was one complaint after another and rarely was I thankful for what they could provide. As I teach these adolescents, I am reminded of just how self-absorbed I was at that age. My life consisted of friends, boys, friends, boys, friends, boys. I was a part of my church's youth group but boys were there too and there were so many to have crushes on! I carried around a brush in my back pocket so at any moment I could fix my hair. I also wore dark magenta lipstick and maybe some mascara. I always made sure to reapply my lipstick because God forbid someone saw me with out it! I used to wear those tall white socks with soccer sandals and at times, I would wear my brother's Tommy Hilfiger shirt. I thought it was so cool. My attitude towards my parents was pretty disrespectful. I was not allowed to have a boyfriend but boy did I make it know that I did not like that rule! I had a few boyfriends behind their backs but of course, there was one time where I got caught. Listening to the way Matthew talks with such respect, makes me see that there is still hope for these kids. They can respect and love others and be a good example to their classmates. It is possible for them to be mature and respond appropriately to situations. It also makes me sad that I was not respectful to my parents and I took them for granted. If one day God chooses to bless me with children, I will have to experience the dreaded puberty years with them. I hope and pray I will remember that it is just a phase and I will give God my hurt feelings for the ways they may treat me. My prayer is that I will be a godly example to them and to remember they are going through so much at that age. And when I feel that they are so hard to like during adolescence, God will remind me they are still a special gift from Him for me cherish and love.

All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
and great shall be the peace of your children.

—Isaiah 54:13

Goodbye 2007

As I reflect on this past year, I am amazed at where the Lord has taken me. I remember the very beginning of 2007 being so distraught over what to do with my life. I was not about to make a career out of waiting tables! I then made it my goal to have a job in 6 months and sure enough, I was hired to become a Home Ec teacher to middle schoolers. What in the world? I first of all have not ever been called "domesticated." I give that title lovingly to my sister. I was always too lazy to keep my apartment clean. Teaching? I detested doing speeches in college and even more detested waiting tables and having people listen to me as I gave my spiel. I could feel my face turning red when people stared at me. Kids? I was rarely ever around children and at times, I had questioned if I really wanted kids. Junior high? 7th grade was the worst year for me. I sat alone at lunch several times because my friends had made new friends. Well, okay God. I guess this is the place where you want me. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

The spring went by as I subbed during the day and waited tables at night. Summer time came and I got the awesome opportunity to travel to Cuba. What a blessed experience to meet brothers and sisters in Christ who were so passionate about the Lord! I got to see how little the Cubans had physically but how much they had spiritually. It was also a time where the foundation was laid for some amazing friendships I so cherish today!

The fall semester started with fear, anxiety, anticipation, stress, and challenges. I had no clue how to be a teacher even though I had read books and attended classes. Nothing prepares you like the day to day experience of teaching! Boy was I put to the test! I do not think I had been challenged that much in so many aspects of my life in such a short period of time. I also do not think I have sobbed that much before either. Are you sure Lord? I asked almost everyday for 10 weeks. Yes, Heather. Stick it out. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13.

Why did I continue to doubt God when He specifically placed me there? Why did I think He made a mistake since it was so hard? I was struggling with unbelief. I was not trusting Him. The God who sent His son to die for me. The one who had taken me out of the muck and mire of my worldly life. The one who loves me unconditionally and forgives me of my horrible sins. "Timothy, my son, I give you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by following them you fight the good fight, holding onto faith and a good conscience. Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith." 1 Timothy 6:18,19

I finally surrendered my fears and trusted the Lord. He then taught me so much more and I grew to like teaching. More importantly, I understood that no matter what I am doing in life, it is about being obedient to the Lord. Not questioning it. Not whining about it. Not comparing. Just doing as He says. "And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands." 1 John 1:6a.

The end of the semester wrapped up with finals and then I was off to stay with my parents in Lake Charles, Louisiana. Such a difference from Phoenix, AZ where they lived for 4 years. The blessing was in the fact that they are a quick 2 1/2 hour drive rather than a 2 1/2 hour flight away. I got to have quality time with them and also got a lot of rest. I did not talk much as I was talked out from teaching. I read a book and got to scrapbook with my mom. Christmas day was peaceful and uplifting.

I am so thankful for what the Lord has taught me through my many trials, challenges, blessings, sermons, and His true Word in 2007. I look forward to 2008 with much optimism, possibility and anticipation. I know the Lord will teach me so much if I am just willing to listen. "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." James 1:22