Love is the answer

"Love Is The Answer"

[Verse 1:]
Broken hearts everywhere
From stepping on love we don't care
Somebody tell me what we gonna do
Even though it's plenty to share
People hungry in the streets life just ain't fair
But you never think about it until it's you
[Pre-Chorus:]
Now I'm gonna say how I feel
And what I wanna say is love is the only thing that's real
Now I'm gonna tell you what to do
Just believe that love is the only thing we have that's true
[Chorus:]
Love is the answer
Love is the answer
Love is the answer to the questions in your mind
If you looking it's the answer that you'll find
It's the only thing that everybody needs
It's the only thing that makes us truly free
[Verse 2:]
Friends nowhere to be found
To help you when you are down
But you know that you're the one to blame
We know what's wrong from what's right
Nobody wins in a fight but still we play the game
[Chorus:]
Love is the answer
Love is the answer
Love is the answer to the questions in your mind
If you looking it's the answer that you'll find
It's the only thing that everybody needs
It's the only thing that makes us truly free
[Bridge:]
Just look around the whole wide world
So many beautiful things to see
Take my hand and come along spread some love with me 

 

 

 

Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.  By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.  1 John 3: 15-18

Trust

Lately I hear "Oceans" by Hillsong United every time I turn around but I'm not complaining. It seems such a fitting song right now. The following lines resonate so deeply within my soul:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever you would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

I have to admit this last year has been the season of practicing trusting God. I would have told you before that I trusted Him completly but that is just not true! Thankfully a friend recommended Trusting God by Jerry Bridges. (By the way, every Christian should read this great book). After reading Trusting God, I came to clearly understand God's sovereignty over the world. When the light bulb came on, I realized I could let go of those things I held so tightly. Before, I thought if I let go of them, that would mean facing the unknown and that's not fun for this self-professed planner. 

Anyway, when I sing this song I remember all that I've learned to let go of and the lingering areas I'm slowly surrending to Him. It's so much better to release it to the One who knows what He's doing. Thank you Jesus that I'm not in charge!

I hope this encourages you.

Painful Progress

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. 2 Peter 1:3-4

When I think about where my life is at 33, I can look back and see it has been a painful process up to this point. I am not one to always look at the positive or the bright side. I try hard not to have my head in the clouds, which I am sure bothers the dreamers I know. I consider myself to be practical, realistic and down to earth. Sometimes I can come off as negative, pessimistic or too serious. I would rather talk about the real things going on in life than surface topics like the weather. Not everyone enjoys that, I know. I find it hard to muster up energy to make small talk with strangers. I would rather not talk at all than come up with something superficial or surface to discuss. Why? Because I don't feel like I am being real. I'm not good at faking that I am interested in the conversation when it stays on the surface for too long. In small groups or one on one, I flourish. Mostly because those environments encourage deep conversations. But I guess it's no surprise to anyone that I enjoy these types of conversations because my blog name is Deep Thinker!

Anyway, all I am trying to say is that life is has been a difficult journey up to this point and I don't mind saying that. Have I had mountaintop experiences? Yes. Has the Lord blessed me? Absolutely. Have I been happy and joyful? For sure. I just like to keep it real and be transparent with others about how the Lord has grown me through pain in my life. That is how He grows us. Are there times when I don't want the pain? Yep. But the more I look at my life, the more I can see where I've welcomed that pain by the choices I've made. I've chosen sin over satisfaction in the Lord. I've cried out to Him to take it away but the reality is, the pain is the consequence of my choices. Could He take it away? Of course. He is sovereign over everything but what would I really learn if I did not feel the pain of my choices? You would think I would learn the first time but I continue to go back to certain sins hoping for a different outcome. Sometimes the consequences are short-lived but a lot of them are long-lasting. 

The Lord has already given me everything I need yet I chase after the fleeting pleasures of the world. I want to partake of Him and be deeply satisfied in His presence. The progress of my life up to this point would not have happened without a little pain. Pain the Lord allows and pain I invite. I'm thankful He is a forgiving God who loves me unconditionally.

For His Glory

A kind friend shared the Shane and Shane music video with me yesterday (posted below) and watching this led to watching a John Piper sermon that was "suggested" on YouTube. For multiple reasons, I've not listened to many podcasts lately but my soul was stirred when I heard Piper preach during the music video. I felt compelled to watch this sermon from the Desiring God Conference in 2005, also based on his book, When I Don't Desire God. The words that stuck out the most to me were:

"Why does God do everything that He does? Is there a unifying motive? God does ALL that He does to display His GLORY for the full and lasting enjoyment for ALL who embrace Christ as their highest treasure."

No more asking, why do I have to go through this? Why do I have to deal with this pain? Why do I get treated this way? Why am I single? Why? Why? Why?

Although the hurt and pain may still penetrate my heart, I know the reason why I am enduring very minute, irritating moments to very large, long-lasting trials. It's not as if I did not know the reason for suffering before but I did not accept it as truth for my life. I would often put my clenched fist up in the air toward God with a demand that these difficult times end quickly but God in His sovereignty has not always done so. He has been faithful in showing His true character to me and for that I am thankful. 

I want to live with full abandon to His Will and let go in full surrender of my will, Heather's will, the will that gets me no where in life, the will that stunts my growth, the will that keeps me from His blessings, the will that stubbornly refuses to submit, the will that brings natural consequences.

"I will say to the north, Give up,

    and to the south, Do not withhold;

bring my sons from afar

    and my daughters from the end of the earth,

⁷ 

everyone who is called by my name,

    whom I created for my glory,

    whom I formed and made.”

Isaiah 43:6-7 ESV

"Though You Slay Me"

come, God, I come
I return to the Lord
The one who’s broken
The one who’s torn me apart
You strike down to bind me up
You say you do it all in love
That I might know you in your suffering
Though you slay me
Yet I will praise you
Though you take from me
I will bless your name
Though you ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need
My heart and flesh may fail
The earth below give way
But with my eyes, with my eyes I’ll see the Lord
Lifted high on that day
Behold, the Lamb that was slain
And I’ll know every tear was worth it all
Though you slay me
Yet I will praise you
Though you take from me
I will bless your name
Though you ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need
Though tonight I’m crying out
Let this cup pass from me now
You’re still more than I need
You’re enough for me
You’re enough for me
John Piper speaking: Not only is all your affliction momentary, not only is all your affliction light in comparison to eternity and the glory there. But all of it is totally meaningful. Every millisecond of your pain, from the fallen nature or fallen man, every millisecond of your misery in the path of obedience is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that.
I don’t care if it was cancer or criticism. I don’t care if it was slander or sickness. It wasn’t meaningless. It’s doing something! It’s not meaningless. Of course you can’t see what it’s doing. Don’t look to what is seen.
When your mom dies, when your kid dies, when you’ve got cancer at 40, when a car careens into the sidewalk and takes her out, don’t say, “That’s meaningless!” It’s not. It’s working for you an eternal weight of glory.
Therefore, therefore, do not lose heart. But take these truths and day by day focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach his word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for.
Though you slay me
Yet I will praise you
Though you take from me
I will bless your name
Though you ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need

You Are Amazing

You're the one who walked on water 
And You calmed the raging seas 
You command the highest mountains 
To fall upon their knees 

You're the one who welcomed sinners 
And You opened blinded eyes 
You restored the brokenhearted 
And You brought the dead to life 

Forgetting all our sins 
ou remember all Your promises 

You are amazing 
More than amazing 
Forever our God 
You're more than enough 
You are amazing 

With authority You've spoken 
And You've set the captive free 
You're the King who came to serve 
And You're the God who washed our feet 

You're the one who took our burdens 
And You bled upon the cross 
In Your kindness and Your mercy 
You became the way for us 

Forgetting all our sins 
You remember all Your promises 

You are amazing 
More than amazing 
Forever our God 
You're more than enough 

You are amazing 
More than amazing 
Forever our God 
You're more than enough 

Oh, how marvelous 
Oh, how wonderful 
Oh, how glorious 
You are amazing 

Oh, how marvelous 
Oh, how wonderful 
Oh, how glorious 
You are 

Oh, how marvelous 
Oh, how wonderful 
Oh, how glorious 
You are amazing 

Oh, how marvelous 
Oh, how wonderful 
Oh, how glorious 
You are 

You are amazing 
More than amazing 
Forever our God 
You're more than enough 

LINCOLN BREWSTER - MORE THAN AMAZING LYRICS

Deeply rooted in Him

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”

Jeremiah 17:7-8

Heartache

It’s undeniable that we should be together
It’s unbelievable, how I used to say that I’d fall never
The basis is need to know
If you just don’t know how I feel
Then let me show you that now I’m for real
If all the things in time, time will reveal
Yeah

1 - one, you’re like a dream come true
Two, just wanna be with you
Three, girl it’s plain to see
That you’re the only one for me and
Four, repeat steps one through three
Five, make you fall in love with me
If ever I believe my work is done
Then I’ll start back at one

(yeah)
It’s so incredible, the way things work themselves out
And all emotional, once you know what it’s all about, hey
And undesirable, for us to be apart
I never would’ve made it very far
’cause you know you got the keys to my heart
’cause...

Repeat 1

Say farewell to the dark of night
I see the coming of the sun
I feel like a little child, whose life has just begun
You came and breathed new life into this lonely heart of mine
You threw out the life line
Just in the nick of time

Brian McKnight

Limbo

Right now I feel that I am in limbo. Some tough things have happened in my life very recently and I am not sure what it is God is doing. I feel like I want to know what will happen months from now but I can barely make it through one day without being emotional. I find myself questioning so much about who I am and what I want. What is the purpose of my life? Where are you leading me Lord? How do I get out of bed each morning and choose to be joyful? How do I praise you through these hard times?

I do know this: Before these trials, I never have spent enough time listening to God and actually hearing His voice. I have not spent a lot of time in devoted prayer or spent any real time fasting about anything. I let other things distract me into feeling content. But as soon as a trial comes, I am suddenly drawing closer to God. I did not live liked I needed Him as much when life was not as hard. Now I feel the Lord drawing me closer to Him so I can learn what true intimacy is.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8

Tough times

My heart hurts right now for many reasons and thankfully the Lord knows those. I am trying to lean on Him for support and comfort but it is tough. I keep asking questions when I know I should trust Him. I keep wanting all the answers and wanting to know what the future holds but He has just asked me to have faith in Him right now. My mom shared these verses with me during a very trying time at work.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Isaiah 43: 2-3a

How encouraging it is to know He will be with me through the pain and the flames will not set me ablaze!

He is always faithful

This is a song by Sara Groves I first heard in 2007. It has always struck a chord with me and especially now, as I look back on over 20 years as a Christian. I can see His hand through it all.

Morning by morning I wake up to find
the power and comfort of God's hand in mine.
Season by season I watch him amazed, in
awe of the mystery of his perfect ways

CHORUS:
All I have need of his hand will provide.
He's always been faithful to me

I can't remember a trial or a pain he did
not recycle to bring me gain. I can't
remember one single regret in serving
God only and trusting his hand

CHORUS

This is my anthem, this is my song, the
theme of the stories I've heard for so long.
God has been faithful, he will be again.
His loving compassion, it knows no end.

Prone to Wander

No words can express what I am feeling today so I found the lyrics to one of the greatest hymns ever written.

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

Sanctification

In my last post, I spoke about the Lord preparing me for something big in my life. I am not sure what exactly that may be but I know I am being sanctified right now. He is constantly revealing the sins of my heart and how they keep me from fellowship with Him. At times, I do not want to accept the discipline. I think that it is too hard to let go of my pride and submit to His sharpening. I can remember a time when I thought the Christian life got easier as we grew. Boy was I wrong! God allows trials and suffering in our lives to build our character Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4
He allows these times for our good, not to be mean to us. Only the enemy wants to discourage us during these trials. 26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:26-28
This past Sunday morning I was really bothered by something. It continued to plague my mind throughout church and the afternoon. It was something I felt that I was supposed to be in control of therefore I was worried about it. I felt I needed to be doing something about it. The Lord helped me see that His plan is sovereign and I cannot control this. I finally felt a sense of peace.
27 "I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me? Jeremiah 32:27

10 Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,"
says the LORD, who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10

I was encouraged by Larry Crabb's book Inside Out, which deals with the fact that our sins keep us from real change. Until we deal with the truth about our lives, we cannot move onto changing. In the chapter entitled "The Problem of Damandingness," he says to trust God is to demand nothing. He relates this demandingness to Job's condition. He then exposes Job's ugliness to him.
3 You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?'
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.

4 "You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.'

5 My ears had heard of you
but now my eyes have seen you.

6 Therefore I despise myself
and repent in dust and ashes."
Job 42:3-6



I realized I had been demanding of God in certain areas of my life and I had to repent right away! If I am constantly demanding things from Him, I will be miserable. I have to trust Him fully to accomplish His will in my life.

Just wanted to share what was on my heart.

Fall down like rain

It has been WAY too long since my last post and I am not sure that anyone checks this anymore but I have some things on my heart that I want to say.

I feel that the Lord has been preparing me for something really big since July of 2007 when I came back Quba. I learned a lot about people who have so few possessions yet have a huge desire for the Lord. They were in such need physically and when they were introduced to the Lord, they accepted Him so willingly. It was was amazing to see their passion for the Lord and it made me analyze my focus on "things" that take the place of God in my life.

Throughout all of last year as I experienced the life of a teacher, I was faced with many challenges. It felt like drudgery to get up incredibly early everyday and face the monsters waiting for me to teach them something important. I was tired most days and emotionally drained. I had no desire to love these hateful children. They had nothing nice to say nor did they have any real commitment to school work. Their lives outside of school were full of problems and therefore they were a product of their environment. Their parents sent them to my class to babysit them as well as discipline them, parent them, teach them social skills, educate them, give them advice and pretty much teach them anything that they had not learned at home. I did not take well to accepting my task at hand. I was so angry all the time and struggled to see anything positive about what I was doing at this school. I certainly had yelled at them and said things out of emotion. I definitely had hatred in my heart for the bad kids. I could have cared less about the gangsters. I had no compassion for the girls that gave me a nasty response when I told them to stay on task and stop talking. I tried to get the counselors to transfer these kids out of my class. They did at times but that was not always the solution to the problem.

I kept asking the Lord for another job or at least another grade level to switch to. I figured I could survive the school year and transfer somewhere else where the kids actually liked me. I mean, they did not care about what I was teaching so why should I care about them? Well the Lord was continuing to work on my prideful heart everyday. In the spring I did the Breaking Free Bible study by Beth Moore and saw the many strongholds in my life. I also learned how Satan had gotten a foothold in my heart. I was against the students and they were against me because I wanted to control them. I also had pride because if they treated me with disrespect I had no desire to give them much mercy. Once they were wrong, they were wrong always. I had to learn how to pray for the hard students in order to let the Lord soften my heart. At times, I did repair the relationship with the difficult student but mostly I tried to find them doing something wrong.

During the spring semester, I was also struggling with singleness. Several friends had gotten engaged in December and several more in the spring. It seemed that the singles department at church had a whirlwind of dating couples, engaged couples and newly married couples. My younger sister had also gotten engaged. This was crushing my spirit. I kept comparing myself to others and felt I was ready for a relationship but it was not happening. When you start comparing yourself to other believers you begin to covet what they have. I had other girlfriends who were single and it seemed to be the topic of conversation. Who likes who and who we could date and who will we marry. Why are we still single? Are we all that bad? That just further deepened the longing.

The Lord kept speaking to my heart and blessed me abundantly. He kept giving me amazing opportunities to share my faith with others and to serve Him. I formed a bond with a few students at school that felt they could trust me. I also was able to be there for some new friends in my life and encourage them. I was blessed with a summer job to pay off my taxes. I was able to be involved in the contemporary choir ministry where I met one of my closest friends. I had also grown closer to another friend of mine. God then gave then gave me rest in July 2008 since I had the summer off from teaching. It was nice to not work for a month and a half! I enjoyed spending lots of time with my friends and serving the community with my church. I got to see my parents in Lake Charles and spend much needed quality time with them.
My life was full and I was trying to walk closer with the Lord each day. He kept softening my heart towards Him. I was learning how to pray more fervently and serve wholeheartedly. I accepted that He had created me as a listener and an advice giver therefore that was how I was to serve Him.

But Lord, I want to be a wife and mother! I want to practice loving someone like You love the Church. I want someone to pursue me and challenge me in my faith. I desire to glorify You through being in a relationship Lord! I am excited about it and I will accept the task at hand! I have served my time as a single. I love all the things I get to do but I would prefer to be in relationship. This desire gets stronger everyday!

A new friend of mine showed me this verse:
For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.
Psalm 84:11
And I also found this to be encouraging:

Yet, O LORD, you are our Father.
We are the clay, you are the potter;
we are all the work of your hand.
Isaiah 64:8

Lord, I trust You with my life. You created me with Your hands! How could I question You? You will bestow honor on those whose walk is blameless. You will not withhold good from me. I have no need to worry about being married because you have called me to be anxious for nothing (Phil. 4:6,7).

I heard this amazing song at choir practice on Wednesday and linked the entire song to the title of my entry (just click on it). It is called Open Up the Sky by Jonathan Stockstill who sings at Bethany Prayer Center in Baton Rouge. Here are the lyrics:

verse 1
Our beloved Father please come down and meet us
We are waiting on Your touch
Open up the heavens, shower down Your presence
We respond to Your great love

pre-chorus
We won't be satisfied with anything ordinary
We won't be satisfied at all

chorus
Open up the sky, fall down like rain
We don't want blessings, we want You
Open up the sky, fall down like fire,
We don't want anything but You

verse 2
Our beloved Jesus we just want to see You
in the glory of Your light
Earthly things don't matter
They just fade and shatter
When we're touched by love divine

chorus
Open up the sky, fall down like rain
We don't want blessings, we want You
Open up the sky, fall down like fire,
We don't want anything but You

Bridge
Here we go lets go to the throne

This is the song of my heart...

My little brother

I saw my brother in the kitchen wearing this funny shirt and I asked him if I could take his picture. He obliged and then his real personality came out with this crazy face!

I love his personality...maybe because we are so simliar: Reserved, laid back (he is way laid back), introverted, self-conscious.
Things I love about him: Extremely generous, hard working, efficient, natural comedian, great chef, kind hearted and very smart.
Growing up, we were buddies. He was always so compliant when I wanted to dress him up. When we got to high school, I was a senior and he was a freshman so he hung out with mutual friends at Starbucks almost every weekend. We also lived far out in Fairfield so we had lots of time to bond in the car rides. As young adults, our relationship has grown through various one on one conversations about life. He is such a fine, young gentleman that I pray for all the time!

The neverending question

I just wrote two posts but I am making up for lost time so here is a link to a great blog post by John Piper.

iChat

I have had this amazing computer for 7 months now and I just found out how to use some of it's greatest features. That is partly because I did not pursue anyone enough to give me a tutorial but anyway, my friend Stan, who only has Apple computers and the iPhone, gladly showed me that we can video chat.
The way you do this is if the other person has a Mac and has a webcam (most Macs come with it built in) then you send them a video request to chat. When they accept, you see them in a larger video and you are a small video inset. We talk straight through the computer! I can even change my background to make it look like I am at the beach or in an aquarium. Right now I only have like 3 friends who can iChat but hopefully when we get all the PC users to switch over to a Mac I can chat with everyone!
I love communication so much. I love texting, phone calls, emailing, Facebooking, Myspace, Gchat, blogging, and now, iChatting. I unfortunately cannot get an iPhone since I have T-Mobile but as soon as I can, I will get one!

Here are reasons Why You'll Love a Mac.

Lazy dayz

These past couple of days have been spent in Lake Charles, LA with my family. It has been nice to be in a quiet home in a neighborhood as opposed to a tiny apartment next to a busy street. I also have enjoyed the family dinners. My mom and I have made dinner together at night and it gives me good practice in the kitchen. My dad and brother get home from work to have dinner with us. Then we get to catch up. It has been even more fun to have deep conversations with my mom during our quality time.

Today I spent time at the scrapbook store where she works working on a few cards. The store has every tool imaginable ! Just like technology has advanced so much in computers, it has also in scrapbooking. I also got a haircut today for $15. There is this great salon owned by 5 girls that give great cuts and color. I wanted to add more brown but decided to wait on it. I feel like changing up my look somehow but I just do not know what to do yet...

Anyway, I was thinking about the time I have had off this summer to enjoy and I am just so thankful to the Lord for it. He knew I needed rest and relaxation. He also knew that I needed a job that would not last for the entire summer so He provided that. He has blessed me with some great fellowship as well. I have gotten to know several people from church on a deeper level. We have gotten to eat together, laugh together and just hang out.
Here are some pics I have taken on my Macbook. Just having fun with the Mac camera.

Dinner with friends

Well the enrichment summer school program ended on Friday and boy was it a tiring month! I learned a ton about challenging my students in a new way and how to manage my classroom more effectively. The kids in this program are so incredibly gifted so it was completely refreshing to be around them.

I celebrated the end of school with some great fellowship over the weekend. Saturday night my friend and I entertained 7 other folks with an exceptional dinner. When I cook for people, I stress myself out. I can't just cook the run of the mill chicken and vegetables or spaghetti. I have to cook the BEST thing I can find! So I woke up stressed when I had to think about the menu. I searched the internet for hours and then decided on salmon. Well that did not work because not everyone loves salmon like I do. I finally made it to good 'ole HEB and called my mom for help. I walked around the meat department and instantly felt frustrated. People were every where and they were in my way. My mom gave me a great recipe and I calmed down. I perused the aisles and the Chef greeted me warmly. He asked me if I wanted to try some samples of his food. I confessed to him that I was stressed out and needed an easy, yet superb main entree. I decided to try something other than what my mom recommended so the chef walked me back to his cooking station and gave me a sample of the amazing food. Once I tried it, I was sold. He was super helpful and it made it sound so simple. Thanks Chef!
Here is the recipe:

Appetizer: Cream cheese with cherry chutney and crackers
Salad: Handful of spring mix, slices of mozzarella cheese and cherry tomatoes. The dressing was a basil vinaigrette:
1/3 cup of oil
2 TBSP white wine vinegar
1 tsp Dijon mustard
2 crushed garlic cloves
3 TBSP of chopped basil fresh or dried (I used the dried basil you can buy in the herb section of the store).
Salt and pepper

Blend all the ingredients in a food processor and serve on the salad. It is delicious!

Entree: Pork tenderloin and crash hot potatoes
The chef told me to place the tenderloin in foil and rub it down with Adam's Reserve Hickory Char Crust and roasted garlic (found bottled in the produce section). I then placed it in the oven at 400 degrees for 30 minutes. When it was sliced, I poured Canyon Foods Sweet Chili Lime Sauce on it and this was exactly what it needed! It was enough sweetness balanced with a little spice. The pork was cooked to a medium and was so tender. Everyone enjoyed the food and I have to say, I was impressed that I was able to pull it off. I usually mess up recipes but the Lord allowed me to do it well.

We then ended the meal with brownies made from scratch (my mom's secret recipe) and Janet's amazing oatmeal cookies.
After we had eaten, some folks left and we got down to the deep questions of the night...my favorite part. Unfortunately, I only lasted for a while and fell asleep! I was so tired I guess. Not really a good hostess now am I? Overall, a wonderful evening and Lori was so sweet to open her home and let me take over her kitchen.

Sunday afternoon rolled around and since Saturday was such a success we wanted to do it again! So we did! Lori and I made it to HEB again and picked up some filets to grill. This time I tried out a recipe from my brother for his amazing mushrooms. We began again with the cream cheese but this time Lori got a raspberry chipotle sauce and a blueberry chipotle sauce to put on top. Wow they were so great! Here is menu:

Jalapeno bacon wrapped filets
Gorgonzola mushrooms
Sauteed spinach
Crescent rolls (okay so we bought the already prepared ones and popped them in the oven)
Blueberry dump cake with vanilla ice cream

Absolutely scrumptious!

Considering my lemon bar fiasco as a child (I can tell you about this in person if you like), I have come a long way in the cooking realm. And the fact that I am a Family and Consumer Sciences teacher is also quite ironic. Anyway, I realized that I get a certain sense of joy in cooking for people and planning a get together. I love getting ready for the evening and getting to have great fellowship with friends. I also enjoy serving them while we are all hanging out.

I want to delve deep

I have been fully aware since middle school that I am a deep thinker. God blessed me with a mom who is one as well. I went through middle school, high school, college and now adulthood sharing with my mama about the deep desires of my heart. 1. Why does this guy not like me? 2. Why do my friends abandon me when they get a boyfriend? 3. Why do my friends not take my advice? 4. Why do I do most of the listening? 5. Why do my friends not return the same listening and advising that I offer them? 6. Where is he mom? 7. Why is it so hard for me to be a godly example? 8. Why am I so angry? 9. How do Christian marriages stay together? 10. Why did God allow this? I could go on an on about the never ending questions in my mind. Yes, I am prone to analyzing and questioning. It is probably part of my Melancholy personality. I am constantly seeking and
searching to understand God and His purpose for me.

I also desire to study the Word more deeply as I grow in my walk with Him. I am striving to be done with the days where quiet times were maybe once a week, when I skipped Bible study because I was too tired, when just reading Christian Living books was enough, when fellowship with friends was all about me, etc. This has allowed me to love the community of believers I am involved in! It is so encouraging, uplifting and fulfilling. I desire to grow close to the Lord through Bible study, ministry, accountability and social time. This church and the amazing people I have met has brought me closer to the Lord.

I say all this because I am utterly surprised when others do not embrace delving deep into the Word and the life of a believer. Why do they continue to stay on the surface? Why do they keep all their struggles to themselves? Why do we have to keep it "light?" Why do I feel awkward trying to direct the conversation into more meaningful waters with them? Why are they afraid to admit they are broken and need to be fixed?

I ask all these questions not to judge but to ponder and work through. I realized a lot over these last couple of years how many Christians who have grown up in the church stagnate well into adulthood. Not just for a couple of years but several years. We just continue living life without really living. What is the reason and/or the solution? I would greatly appreciate anyone's thoughts...