Painful Progress

His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire. 2 Peter 1:3-4

When I think about where my life is at 33, I can look back and see it has been a painful process up to this point. I am not one to always look at the positive or the bright side. I try hard not to have my head in the clouds, which I am sure bothers the dreamers I know. I consider myself to be practical, realistic and down to earth. Sometimes I can come off as negative, pessimistic or too serious. I would rather talk about the real things going on in life than surface topics like the weather. Not everyone enjoys that, I know. I find it hard to muster up energy to make small talk with strangers. I would rather not talk at all than come up with something superficial or surface to discuss. Why? Because I don't feel like I am being real. I'm not good at faking that I am interested in the conversation when it stays on the surface for too long. In small groups or one on one, I flourish. Mostly because those environments encourage deep conversations. But I guess it's no surprise to anyone that I enjoy these types of conversations because my blog name is Deep Thinker!

Anyway, all I am trying to say is that life is has been a difficult journey up to this point and I don't mind saying that. Have I had mountaintop experiences? Yes. Has the Lord blessed me? Absolutely. Have I been happy and joyful? For sure. I just like to keep it real and be transparent with others about how the Lord has grown me through pain in my life. That is how He grows us. Are there times when I don't want the pain? Yep. But the more I look at my life, the more I can see where I've welcomed that pain by the choices I've made. I've chosen sin over satisfaction in the Lord. I've cried out to Him to take it away but the reality is, the pain is the consequence of my choices. Could He take it away? Of course. He is sovereign over everything but what would I really learn if I did not feel the pain of my choices? You would think I would learn the first time but I continue to go back to certain sins hoping for a different outcome. Sometimes the consequences are short-lived but a lot of them are long-lasting. 

The Lord has already given me everything I need yet I chase after the fleeting pleasures of the world. I want to partake of Him and be deeply satisfied in His presence. The progress of my life up to this point would not have happened without a little pain. Pain the Lord allows and pain I invite. I'm thankful He is a forgiving God who loves me unconditionally.